Healing Victim Mentality & Setting Up Boundaries

Recognizing Victim Mentality

Victim mentality is not a mental illness but rather a learned thinking process often brought on by abuse or trauma. If you experience the following, you probably suffer from victim mentality:

1. You tend to give up on tasks early without giving them much effort.

2. You don’t believe you’re capable of making wise choices for yourself so you tend to give control over to others.

3. You tend to make a mess out of situations rendering you dependant on others to fix it.

4. You never admit anything is your fault because you always have an excuse as to why things happen.

5. Whenever anything bad happens, you always beat yourself up about it.

6. There’s always someone or something else to blame.

7. You have poor coping strategies that always result in destroyed relationships or you getting hurt.

8. You are resentful towards others and bitter about situations instead of getting to the bottom of what is really causing it.

9. You criticize yourself to the point of self-sabotage.

10. You do not believe in yourself.

Ridding Yourself of Victim Mentality

1. Identify the beliefs that are limiting you. Become aware that your problems are not someone or something else’s fault.

2. Start taking responsibility for your own shortcomings. Become aware that you control what happens in your life.

3. Develop an attitude toward gratitude. Start everyday finding something to be grateful for. If something goes wrong, be grateful for the challenge. Be grategul for your support group, your friends and family.

A licensed therapist can help you with these things. Make an appointment.

Setting Up Boundaries

For the sake of your mental, physical and emotional health, you need to establish some boundaries or limitations on what you will tolerate from yourself and from others. Boundaries are where your rights end and someone else’s begin. Boundaries keep you from being used, wrought to the edge or manipulated.

You can establish boundaries by limiting your time, emotional energy, sexuality, personal space, material possessions, morals or ethics. They can be put up as a deterrent to yourself, family, friends, a significant other or coworkers. Let’s explore some ways we can establish our own set of boundaries.

1. Identify your limits. Write down the things you experience in day-to-day life that make you feel safe and free from stress. Next write down things that make you feel uncomfortable or stressed. The lattet represents your limits.

2. Feel free to express your limits to others. You can say things like, “I respect your opinion, but I would feel more comfortable if you didn’t force it on me,” or, “If you don’t stop touching me I’m going to have to leave.”

3. Reiterate what your boundaries are when necessary. Stay consistent. Don’t change your mind about where your limitations lie.

4. It’s okay to say no. If this is a little to much, to fast, start by saying, “I’ll have to get back with you on that,” but don’t expect to rely on that forever. Don’t make excuses. Just say you wish you could but you can’t. If you offer an excuse, they’ll just try to get around your excuse. You can offer an alternative, such as a quiet coffee shop instead of a noisy bar, if you want to soften the blow.

5. Back up your “no” with body language, if necessary. Hold up your hand in a “stop” formation or simply back away.


2 responses to “Healing Victim Mentality & Setting Up Boundaries”

  1. Excellent post on Victim mentality. This is absolutely true. ‘I experienced this when ‘I was going through a severe depression. But writing and making wonderful friends like you through blogging helped me so much. 😊😊♥️♥️♥️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you pulled through that. Sounds miserable. I’m glad to know you too.

      Liked by 1 person

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